Monday, April 18, 2011

The Dash

18 April 2011

Dear Dad,

I'm not quite ready to blog about your funeral yet... I'm still ticking it all over in my mind. I will say this though. - It was beautiful.

I will however post the reading's Jenny and I did. I was really proud of the way we managed to get up there in front of your friends and workmates and speak from the heart.

The Dash  (Read by me <3)
I read of a Man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on his tombstone
From the beginning to the end
He noted that first came the date of his birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That he spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved him
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

The Autumn Muster (read by Jen <3)

In the cool air of the morning,
As the bright stars fade away,
Comes an echoing down from shingle tops
The first ‘bark up’ of the day.
As the Dogs take up there chorus
The sheep will soon be strung,
Far across the snow grass basins high
And the muster has begun.

A stag roars from the bush below
Challenging far and near.
His hinds are milling in a mob
Keeping a well tuned ear.
The tussock waves in the nor-west breeze
A kea screams above,
And the rattling noise as a chamois bolts
Are the sounds a musterer loves.

The frost is on the dark side face
The creek is icy cold,
And sidling through a ragged bluff
A man’s step must be bold.
There’s boulders flying down the hill
As the wethers pick their way,
Through the mass of rocks and ridges
Where the men do earn their pay.

The poor Dogs trail behind them
Their pads are bleeding raw,
Fighting fit three days ago
They now are tired and sore.
Most will run until they drop
Courage great to see;
And when the homesteads yards are reached
A well earned rest there’ll be.


I hope we did you proud
Love me <3

Friday, April 15, 2011

Memories

Dead Dad,

I guess in all our lives there's a time where we worry we aren't liked, that we don't have many friends, or that we won't be remembered. I'm not sure if these thoughts have ever plagued you, but they sure have me, and because of this I'd like you to know that you were like and loved by so many people, even people you'd only met once or twice. My facebook wall over the last couple of days have been a testament to that, and I'm guessing that people have to got to know you a little bit through this blog too. I've screen cap'd so many kind messages from beautiful friends, and when she's ready, I'll print them for mum to keep. It's the 21st century way of sending a card I guess.

I just wanted you to know Dad.

You were loved my many, and you will be sorely missed.

I love you Dad xoxoxo

Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Dad

My Dad was a tall, handsome man, with broad shoulders, a ready smile and bright blue eyes. He had distinctive 'dunny brush' hair that was very coarse and stood pretty much vertical. He was a real mate, and very rarely said anything ill of anyone. He laughed and loved and while he was certainly never rich, I don't think he ever really wanted for anything. I'm sure other than dying early that Dad would have no regrets from the way he lived his life. He was a very special, salt of the earth person who will be sorely missed
(And most of these pictures don't do him justice)

 















Rest Easy Dad
6 October 1946 - 12 April 2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Details

For those of you who can make it, Dad's funeral will be this Saturday (the 16th of April), 1:30 at the Patearoa hall, with Afternoon tea to be served afterwards at the Patearoa Bowling club.

In Lieu of flowers Mum would like a donation made to St John, they really did a stellar job when they we called out on Tuesday morning. They went above and beyond and their professionalism, care and comfort the provided on one of the worst mornings of our lives will never be forgotten.

If you'd like to send a card or message to Mum her address is:

Cheryl Macdonald
238 Hamiltons Road
RD4
Ranfurly 9430

Thank you all for your love and support during this tough time, we really appreciate it

Love Cath

And then you were gone

12 April 2011


Dear dad
well hun, its over. I was having a precious sleep in (I was actually having a crazy dream about you) when mike woke me and told me that Jen had called. Mum found you this morning, dead on the laundry floor.
Its not clear how long you'd been there, Verne thinks perhaps a couple of hours, and it appears you had some sort of massive hemorrhage and passed away quietly and quickly. Perhaps you never even realised what was happening? I hope not, I hope you weren't frightened. It certainly looks like it took you quickly anyway.
I didn't cry when I heard the news Dad. I'm not sure why. Shock? was I already so prepared that it didn't surprise me? I don't know, but I was able to organise two kids and pack bags and get into the car without crying.
I fed the dog, fed the guinea pigs, text a couple of people to explain my absence from the days plans without crying. I got in the car and got gas, without crying.
And then I rang the polytech to ask to be excused from class.
and I had to tell them: My Dad died this morning.
And I cried.
I cried and cried, silent and unglamourous for most of the drive home.
God Dad it's just so unfair. We weren't ready, not yet, not like this, not so soon. We never really got a proper goodbye did we? one last cuddle, one last I love you, one last see you later. I was just too soon.
And I tell myself, and I tell anyone who I talk to - it's for the best, he was so sick, it was so awful to watch, but I still wasn't ready.
And it breaks my heart that mum and Jen saw you like that,hunched  and dead on the floor.
So the day was spent crying, and planning. The news slowly leaking out, people coming to the house to cry with us, to drink tea and offer condolences. The funeral director came and arrangements were made, and we all sat there on autopilot as we picked songs and sifted through photo's.
It's just surreal Dad. You're gone. You're actually gone. There'll be no more conversations about the dogs, about the air force, about something you saw on TV. There'll be no more listening to me let off steam. There'll be no more of anything. It's over. You've actually gone.
And you'll be gone forever.
And I'll miss you forever.
And Lucy and Cam will never know for themselves what a great person you actually were.
and I don't know what I'm going to do with out you.
I love you Dad.
Rest Easy.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Fading Away

3 April 2011

Dear Dad,

Wow I'm just gonna come out and say it - You looked SHOCKING when I saw you yesterday.

Even though it's only ten days since we dropped off the dog you've dropped SO much weight and you look SO tired and your eyes are SO yellow.

What a bastard this awful disease is.

And you had bad news at your last chemo session too - the bloody tumor in your liver is getting bigger and bigger instead of shrinking as promised, so you're off for another scan one day soon. It was frightening to see you so out of breath because your liver's swollen to the extent where you can't get a lungful. It's horrifying Dad. It's scaring the living shit out of me. I just can't see how we can hope for another two years when you  already look as sick as you do.

It's not fair.

It's just not fair.

And while all I really want to do it sit and cry and feel sorry for myself we have the really awful things to get out of the way first. Things like handing over your signing rights. Getting someone in as power of attorney. Looking through the books, talking to the bank manager, sorting out the partnership with Andy. All these awful morose tasks that feel so wrong to be doing to someone who's still alive and still very much mentally capable. But things that have to be done.

Jenny's being a superstar organising this stuff Dad, she's taking the brunt of the hit so the rest of us don't have to think about it. And she's told me she feels like a sneaky bank handed back stabber, but I'm so glad that someones  doing it, and I'm glad that it's her, one of us, rather than some sneaky lawyer or someone out to help themselves.

So after talking behind your back with Jenny for almost an hour about how the pie's going to be distributed after you go, I helped you put the lawnmower back together yesterday Dad. And we declared once it was done that she'll be fine for a couple of years yet. A couple of years where I guess either mum or us girls are going to have to learn how to drive it.  And yep - I felt sick too, having been mentally preparing myself for what's going to happen when you go, then helping you reassemble the mower for more years of happy mowing. A fucking lawnmower has a greater life expectancy than my Dad.

But we won't think like that, will we? We'll just enjoy having had an afternoon in the sun working together side by side like we used to.

I'm really going to miss things like that Dad,

I Love You
Cath xoxox