Dear Dad,
Long time no talk mate.
Well, I'm guessing you already know.
I'm guessing you've already seen her.
I'm hoping you picked her up and took her with you.
We lost Mum on Thursday morning.
She had her valves repaired on Tuesday the 18th, and it went well, it went REALLY well. She made this meteoric recovery while she was still in hospital. I was allowed to take her home on the Sunday, she was doing so well, she was the perfect patient, letting me look after her and just hanging out. We had a lovely Christmas together.
On boxing day I noticed that she was very out of breath, and going a bit blue around the mouth. we went into hospital, and although I told every nurse I saw that I was worried and felt out of my depth the assured me that Mum was dehydrated and had a wee kidney infection, she was OK, and was fine at home, but if I was really worried she could stay a couple of days in Ranfurly and rest. So that's what she did. I took her into the hospital, I settled her in her room, we chatted, she was watching TV. I left her. She was fine.
Mum was fine.
But she wasn't Dad. Something went catastrophically wrong just before 8 on Thursday morning, and her heart just stopped. Stopped. Dead. Like a bullet. Nothing could be done.
They tried, they tried really hard to save her. They filled her with Adrenalin, they did CPR for over 30 minutes, they had ICU and the Westpac Helicopter on call but there was NO sign of even a flicker of cardiac activity. Mum was gone. Verne came in to see me and Jenny and asked our permission to stop CPR.
We let him.
And then Mum was gone.
We were allowed to see her. She looked so peaceful laid out on that bed. Still in her Jammies.
She just looked like she was sleeping. I'll never forget how she looked on that dull Thursday Morning.
We were with her Dad? Did you pick her up?
I hope so.
I hope you're together now.
Look after Mum.
Give her one last kiss from me.
Love you dad.
Miss you Mum.
Cath
xoxox
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
End
Dear Dad,
Well mate, I think it's about time to wrap this up.
I'm not sure how long you can write letters to your Dad that will never be seen by your Dad until you start to look a bit.... well.... crazy......
It's been one hell of a journey.
I started this as a place to quietly vent out all my stresses and fears about you being sick without cornering and freaking out my friends.
I honestly though that one day I would show you this, and we could have a laugh over a coffee about what a drama queen I am. I honestly never EVER thought that this would be the medium used to document the last 8 weeks of your life. Not ever. Even once it became apparent that you weren't going to make it I still thought I had plenty of time to write, photograph, remember. But things never work out like you plan huh.
I would, however, like to use this as a forum to publicly and with my whole heart thank everyone who has supported me and the rest of our family over the last year and a bit. I can't ever express in words how much it's meant to me to have such beautiful people in my life, I am truly blessed and I hope I can one day prove myself worthy of your kindness and friendship. I won't say 'I hope I can do the same for you' because I wouldn't wish the sudden death of a loved on on anyone, even though so many of you have yourselves had your hearts broken in the same way. Your support has been astounding, it's been comforting, and it's been whole heartedly appreciated - thank you.
To the 1800 odd people who've read this blog - who ever you are, where ever you are - Thank you. I hope you found something at least a little helpful or comforting in my raw selfish rambles, and I am very sorry if you've found yourself in the same position as me.
Mum, Jen, Paula, Richard and Andy - I'm proud of you, and I love you. It's been one hell of a struggle, and your strength has been incredible.
Mike, Cam and Lucy. You are my world. Thank you for being there to wipe my tears and make me smile.
And most importantly - Dad. I love you. Thank you for being the best father I could have ever wished for. You are my hero.
Love Cath
xoxoxo
Well mate, I think it's about time to wrap this up.
I'm not sure how long you can write letters to your Dad that will never be seen by your Dad until you start to look a bit.... well.... crazy......
It's been one hell of a journey.
I started this as a place to quietly vent out all my stresses and fears about you being sick without cornering and freaking out my friends.
I honestly though that one day I would show you this, and we could have a laugh over a coffee about what a drama queen I am. I honestly never EVER thought that this would be the medium used to document the last 8 weeks of your life. Not ever. Even once it became apparent that you weren't going to make it I still thought I had plenty of time to write, photograph, remember. But things never work out like you plan huh.
I would, however, like to use this as a forum to publicly and with my whole heart thank everyone who has supported me and the rest of our family over the last year and a bit. I can't ever express in words how much it's meant to me to have such beautiful people in my life, I am truly blessed and I hope I can one day prove myself worthy of your kindness and friendship. I won't say 'I hope I can do the same for you' because I wouldn't wish the sudden death of a loved on on anyone, even though so many of you have yourselves had your hearts broken in the same way. Your support has been astounding, it's been comforting, and it's been whole heartedly appreciated - thank you.
To the 1800 odd people who've read this blog - who ever you are, where ever you are - Thank you. I hope you found something at least a little helpful or comforting in my raw selfish rambles, and I am very sorry if you've found yourself in the same position as me.
Mum, Jen, Paula, Richard and Andy - I'm proud of you, and I love you. It's been one hell of a struggle, and your strength has been incredible.
Mike, Cam and Lucy. You are my world. Thank you for being there to wipe my tears and make me smile.
And most importantly - Dad. I love you. Thank you for being the best father I could have ever wished for. You are my hero.
Love Cath
xoxoxo
David Malcolm Macdonald
6 October 1946 - 12 April 2011
One Year On
Dear Dad,
On this day last year, I was woken to the sound of the phone ringing. It was my sleep in, so I let Mike answer it. He appeared in the doorway of our room minutes later to tell me the news. But he didn't have to tell me. I knew.
On this day last year I lost my mentor, my mate, my hero.
On this day last year, the arse fell out of my world.
It's been a tough day. I cried a lot today, It's an ending of sorts. The end of the year of 'firsts'. First Easter, first round of birthdays, first fathers day, first Christmas. And now the first anniversary of losing you. It's over.
It's been one hell of a tough year. I'd do nearly anything to have you back Dad, I miss you so much.
I've been so lucky to have so much love and support from some really beautiful people in the last 12 months, and I'm so thankful that it's been ongoing - even just today I received these from Emma, the best friend a girl could ever ask for:
And look at your Magnolia that Kate sent! Another 12 months in a pot and it'll be big enough to take its place in the Orchard at home
The Toyota's still going as well as you promised, the had a cut and polish the other day and looks a million bucks for a car who's now well past the 300,000 k mark. Me and Cam will give her an oil and filter change over the weekend, just like you showed us to :)
Jen and I organised to have this in the paper - it wouldn't be right to have the dreaded one year mark pass without recognition. I hope it wasn't too flowery for you.
I guess I just miss you Dad. I miss you heaps. I worry about Mum, even though she's been absolutely stoic and incredibly strong. I'm proud of her, and I'm proud of Jen who's turned into a veritable McLeod's Daughter in your absence. And I'm proud of the way everyone has just pulled their socks up and got on with it - just like you would have wanted.
Oh - one more thing.... check this out!
Stormy's carrying on your legacy of woolly pups! Her colour is still coming in, but she's going to be silver/blue - fantastic! You'd be stoked.
Love you Dad.
Rest well.
Love Cath
xoxoxo
On this day last year, I was woken to the sound of the phone ringing. It was my sleep in, so I let Mike answer it. He appeared in the doorway of our room minutes later to tell me the news. But he didn't have to tell me. I knew.
On this day last year I lost my mentor, my mate, my hero.
On this day last year, the arse fell out of my world.
It's been a tough day. I cried a lot today, It's an ending of sorts. The end of the year of 'firsts'. First Easter, first round of birthdays, first fathers day, first Christmas. And now the first anniversary of losing you. It's over.
It's been one hell of a tough year. I'd do nearly anything to have you back Dad, I miss you so much.
I've been so lucky to have so much love and support from some really beautiful people in the last 12 months, and I'm so thankful that it's been ongoing - even just today I received these from Emma, the best friend a girl could ever ask for:
And look at your Magnolia that Kate sent! Another 12 months in a pot and it'll be big enough to take its place in the Orchard at home
The Toyota's still going as well as you promised, the had a cut and polish the other day and looks a million bucks for a car who's now well past the 300,000 k mark. Me and Cam will give her an oil and filter change over the weekend, just like you showed us to :)
I guess I just miss you Dad. I miss you heaps. I worry about Mum, even though she's been absolutely stoic and incredibly strong. I'm proud of her, and I'm proud of Jen who's turned into a veritable McLeod's Daughter in your absence. And I'm proud of the way everyone has just pulled their socks up and got on with it - just like you would have wanted.
Oh - one more thing.... check this out!
Love you Dad.
Rest well.
Love Cath
xoxoxo
Monday, April 2, 2012
Pride
Dear Dad,
Well it's nearly your anniversary.
And I've been struggling to be honest. There's been a lot of quiet tears, especially since I've got back to tech and I can't help but think:
'Last time I enrolled Dad was fine.'
'Last O week we'd only just found out.'
'Last bullying and harassment training day we thought you had 2 years.'
'Last time we were planning Mum's birthday you were still here.'
'This time last year, the arse fell out of my world.'
It's tough. It's bloody tough. I just miss you everyday. Every. Single. Day.
A lot has changed since you died, and not all of it has been bad. A lot of things have happened that would have made you proud.
I graduated Dad. I actually finished it. And with bloody good marks to - an A+ average in all classes. I bought a locket for my big day, and had a picture inside of you, I know you would have wanted to be there:
.jpg)
The kids are just getting cooler and cooler.
Cam has developed a real obsession with all things motor racing, especially anything to do with Top Gear. You'd be amazed at how that boy knows his way around the engine bay of the Toyota. It's his party trick, he can point out battery, radiator, alternator, fan, fan belt, fuse box, washer motor, exhaust manifold - he even gave Liz a lecture the other day about the risks of leaving your lights on... You'd be so proud of him, he's such a little dude, and he's just so 'handy', he's gonna go a long way:
.jpg)
Lucy's just so cool - she's smart, funny, opinionated, sweet and affectionate. She's a lovely little tart, outgoing and friendly, and a real hard case. She's done everything faster than Cam ever did, but she's the polar opposite of his serious personality. Lucy attacks everything head on and at speed, and is absolutely fearless. She's also full of yack, she's a real Macdonald. She walked at 14 mths, and ran days later. I don't think she's stopped running since:
The kids are best mates and worst enemies, and they're just my whole world. You would have adored them.
Mike's been doing so well. Last June he jetted off to Brisbane for 2 weeks to complete his Station Officer training, and last week he got promoted! He's now Mr Harrison, Station Officer for Dunedin Central Station 211, it's the main truck and he's in charge of a crew of 4 really good guys. He's slotted into the job perfectly, and I'm so proud of him.
.JPG)
We really miss you Dad. I know life goes on, but I'd have really loved to share all these things with you.
Oh - one last photo....
At the A &P show this year I saw an old friend.... I only recognised her by the orange paint on the tyre where Sam hadn't masked them properly... I don't have a decent photo, because I only had the crappy camera on my phone to snap one with, and Jen had to tickle it up for me with her computer, but you get the idea:
.jpg)
Miss you Dad.
Love Cath
xoxoxo
Well it's nearly your anniversary.
And I've been struggling to be honest. There's been a lot of quiet tears, especially since I've got back to tech and I can't help but think:
'Last time I enrolled Dad was fine.'
'Last O week we'd only just found out.'
'Last bullying and harassment training day we thought you had 2 years.'
'Last time we were planning Mum's birthday you were still here.'
'This time last year, the arse fell out of my world.'
It's tough. It's bloody tough. I just miss you everyday. Every. Single. Day.
A lot has changed since you died, and not all of it has been bad. A lot of things have happened that would have made you proud.
I graduated Dad. I actually finished it. And with bloody good marks to - an A+ average in all classes. I bought a locket for my big day, and had a picture inside of you, I know you would have wanted to be there:
.jpg)
The kids are just getting cooler and cooler.
Cam has developed a real obsession with all things motor racing, especially anything to do with Top Gear. You'd be amazed at how that boy knows his way around the engine bay of the Toyota. It's his party trick, he can point out battery, radiator, alternator, fan, fan belt, fuse box, washer motor, exhaust manifold - he even gave Liz a lecture the other day about the risks of leaving your lights on... You'd be so proud of him, he's such a little dude, and he's just so 'handy', he's gonna go a long way:
.jpg)
Lucy's just so cool - she's smart, funny, opinionated, sweet and affectionate. She's a lovely little tart, outgoing and friendly, and a real hard case. She's done everything faster than Cam ever did, but she's the polar opposite of his serious personality. Lucy attacks everything head on and at speed, and is absolutely fearless. She's also full of yack, she's a real Macdonald. She walked at 14 mths, and ran days later. I don't think she's stopped running since:
The kids are best mates and worst enemies, and they're just my whole world. You would have adored them.
Mike's been doing so well. Last June he jetted off to Brisbane for 2 weeks to complete his Station Officer training, and last week he got promoted! He's now Mr Harrison, Station Officer for Dunedin Central Station 211, it's the main truck and he's in charge of a crew of 4 really good guys. He's slotted into the job perfectly, and I'm so proud of him.
.JPG)
We really miss you Dad. I know life goes on, but I'd have really loved to share all these things with you.
Oh - one last photo....
At the A &P show this year I saw an old friend.... I only recognised her by the orange paint on the tyre where Sam hadn't masked them properly... I don't have a decent photo, because I only had the crappy camera on my phone to snap one with, and Jen had to tickle it up for me with her computer, but you get the idea:
.jpg)
Miss you Dad.
Love Cath
xoxoxo
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