Waiting

31 January 2011

Dear Dad,

Well we're still waiting huh.

After an exhausting, brutally traumatic weekend we're still waiting for news, still waiting to hear from Doctors. No one's told you anything. What a cruel trick, you'd think that the doctor who tore the arse out of our world on Thursday and gave us renewed hope on Friday could at least call you today and say 'Hi, how are you coping? Your test results aren't back yet but I'll call you the second they do...'

Is no news good news? Or do they figure we don't care about the minor details now and only want to hear from the specialist?

It's so fucking frustrating!

Speaking of frustrating... the queen of frustrating, Mike's mother, rang on Saturday morning and bullied me into buying flights north for Mike's fuck-wit of a brother's wedding. Fan - fucking - tastic. You know what she said??
'Oh well if it's ONLY Chemo then there's no reason you can't come up for the wedding'
'Why can't Jenny and your Mum be there for him'
Clearly Jenny and Mum will be sitting around on their princess arses... oh wait.... no they WON'T! It's not about what Mum and Jenny are doing! It's about what I want!
'I know you're Dad's sick, but we're family too'

You know what!?
Fuck you Colleen!
And fuck you Mike for blowing up at me when I told you I'd spent $600 to shut your Mother up. Fuck you all! And a I'm a fucking idiot too for letting my fragile emotional self get bullied by the manipulative bitch.

FUCK!!!

This would have never happened if I was still on the Prozac...

Oh, about that... yeah I didn't tell you cos I was ashamed. So shhh! OK? it makes me a braver better person (and I know you still love me... nutty nut pills or not.... I'm just not ready to say it out loud to you yet )

How's Mum doing? I worry about her. She's the bloody emotional ice queen isn't she? I think she (like the rest of us) are secretly terrified that the LYMPHOMA is the mis diagnosis, and it IS liver cancer after all.
I don't know how I'll cope if that's true.

I've been talking to Jen, and we think that I should come with you when you see the specialist, OK? Someone to ask the hard questions and someone else to hear what he's saying and make the mental notes for you. There's no doubt it'll be overwhelming so I want to be there to make sure we hear and understand EVERYTHING he tells you. Don't worry, I'm big enough and brave enough :) And Mum can come too, I just want to hear it first hand. No arguing, alright?

Alright Dad, I better get the house cleaned up and get to bed, between the monkeys they managed to reduce my snooze hours to about 2 last night... you always hoped I'd get kids like me that didn't sleep...

I'll talk to you soon

Love you xo