Lost in the Translation

5 March 2011

Dear Dad,

So it's been a couple of weeks but we finally managed to catch up last weekend.

And Wow. You've lost a lot of weight huh? I was stunned to be honest. I guess it was to be expected but wow, I hadn't expected it so quickly.

Otherwise you're doing OK - you haven't been spewing, you haven't lost any of your hair, and you don't REALLY look sick yet. The big bruises on your arms were probably the only thing that made me think 'wow, that guy's sick' rather than 'Wow, Dave's lost weight'

You're doing really well with your chemo, keep it up! It's the best chance you have!

And when we caught up on Thursday you said Dr Perez was really positive too, you're liver's going down, and you're able to eat more, which is fantastic.

But to be honest, I'm concerned about the massive difference between what the Doctor's telling you, and what you're actually hearing.  I thought for a start you were being wildly optimistic and positive, but I spoke with Jenny about it today and her version of what you've been telling people concurs with mine.

You seem to think that it's going to take two years for the treatment to beat the cancer, that they're not doing anything about the lymphoma yet because they're going to wait until the main tumors have been destroyed.

Dad that's not what they told you.

He said 'the average life expectancy for this cancer is about two years. The drugs we've got you on will shrink the tumours, but they'll never eradicate them unfortunately. We're not going to bother treating for the lymphoma because lymphoma is slow growing'

In other words - this is terminal. There's no point in treating the lymphoma, because the the dirty mongrel tumour will kill you first.

God I don't know what to do. Are you just being optimistic? or have you honestly been bamboozled with medical speak? It breaks my heart to hear you talking about recovery. It terrifies me to think of the awful awful shock you're going to get when the tumors stop shrinking and we start talking about hospice and palliative care. The awful shock you're going to get when the rest of us understood and have known all along.

And whose job is it to tell you? Ask you what you actually understand?

Shit I think I need to talk to Doctor Perez.

Love you Dad
xoxox