Two Years

12 February 2011

Dear Dad,

Well we had the meeting today.

We met Dr Perez, who of course is lovely, but he'd have to have a lovely personality to do the job he does. You generally don't get arseholes in the oncology ward I'm discovering. I guess people who have to dish out the worst possible news and work with people at their absolute sickest have to be special people don't they.

So he told us that while it has yet to be confirmed, they're sure it's bowel cancer. Bowel cancer that's spread up into your liver. And you have lymphoma cooking away in the back ground. They're going to do one last test on Monday (some kids of scope - I can't remember the word he said) to confirm the type of bowel cancer.

The spots on your liver are large, and appear to have been there for some time.

And you're not going to beat this.

This is what's going to kill you.

And it's going to kill you relatively quickly. Within 2 years.

Two years.

It's not long enough is it??

Not when you're still so young and the grand kids are still so little.

Two years to make enough memories for a lifetime for these little kids, to make sure they remember their grandad.

It's not all bad news though - they CAN and ARE going to attempt Chemo, and while there's no way to cure this awful disease they're confident they can shrink the tumors to the point where you'll have a good quality of life for the time you have left.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful we have the chance to prepare, no MAKE memories, it's the chance so many people don't get, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel like my hearts been ripped out and stomped on.

Two Years. The Countdown's started.

So tonight you're at home, with Mum for a short break before they bring you back into hospital tomorrow night. Monday is more testing, then god knows what happens after then.

Two Years. It's not enough.