Your new 'Normal'

16 February 2011

Dear Dad,

Well today was the day! After having half a litre of potentially life threatening/life saving chemical's pumped into you yesterday they've decided you coped well enough to be discharged today.

I was going to come in today and see you anyway, Jenny Haaima has given me a stack of last weeks magazines from the shop to keep you occupied when you're not feeling well enough to get out and about. It was awful telling her you're now terminal Dad - she cried. She's had too much heartbreak in the last couple of months and I think it was overwhelming to hear that you're so sick too. I feel like I'm talking about someone else when I tell people about you Dad. I suppose I look suitably sad, but it still doesn't feel all that real. It feels like I'm passing on gossip about someone elses sick Dad, not mine.

You sounded happy and keen to get home when you rang this morning, and you were pleased to report that the chemo had had very little effect on you. We initially planned for me to pick you up after tech but I managed to get Mum on the cellphone and she decided the hell with the A and P show, she'd go and collect you herself.

I had a two hour break between afternoon classes, so I filled my time by wandering down to the hospital in the sun to spend some time with you before you were discharged. I ran into Mum while I was getting a coffee and we sat in your room and chatted while you were finishing up with the Doctor. She looks very tired, but she looked much happier than when I last saw her on Saturday, She'll be pleased to get you home.

You actually looked much better today, it might be that you're out of bed and back into your own clothes, it might have been that you were escaping the hospital but you definitely looked perkier than when I saw you on Monday.

You've lost a fair bit of weight in the last 3 weeks though, and the bruises on your arms where they've been putting in IV's is fairly disturbing, but it's a small price to pay for having your life expectancy lengthened isn't it?

So you've been sent home with a 21 day cycle of chemo. IV drugs, then 2 weeks of pills, then a one week break from treatment. This will go on for about 5 months apparently. Pills and IV's and anti nausea drugs and pain relief and pills so potent you're not to let anyone touch them because while they can (and hopefully will) shrink your tumours they can CAUSE cancer should a cherubic but un assuming grandson grab one and gulp it down. This is going to be you from now on.

This is your new Normal.

This is going to be your life.

It's a bastard but we'll take it for a few more precious months right?

I love you Dad